#8- Last things first: read a room

Imagine you just landed the job you always wanted. The perfect location, the perfect brand, and what seems like the perfect path to success. But there is one catch: it is day one, and you are now the leader of a 250-person team. You only know one person, and that is someone you met walking in from the parking lot. The smells are different, the energy is unfamiliar, and it all marks the beginning of a new adventure. You walk in with your head held high, full of optimism, ready to take on whatever the day brings.

You begin by joining a session with half of the people you will now be working with. Your first task is simple in theory, but difficult in practice: stand up and read the room. This is your first chance to introduce yourself, set the tone, and understand the people in front of you. Once the presentation ends, people begin approaching you. They speak about frustrations, hopes for change, and a desire for stronger leadership in their departments. Suddenly, the real task becomes clear.

The task at hand is reading a room: picking up what is being put down. Is the energy vibrant or flat? Is morale high or low? Are people speaking from want, or from need? These are the questions a strong leader asks early and often. In my opinion, they sit at the root of both healthy culture and successful business performance. At the center of it all is one reality: there is a human being in the driver’s seat. That person can either be ignorant to what is happening around them or open to understanding it. Step one in becoming a leader, in my book and in observing successful people around me, is learning what drives others. What makes their clock tick? What fills their cup of coffee? What helps them stay balanced, motivated, and able to give their best effort?

The root of all of this is Emotional Intelligence, often referred to as EQ.

Perspective is everything when understanding the power of emotional intelligence and the weight it carries in leadership. Based on my research, this theory suggests that effective leadership is not built only on intelligence, authority, or technical ability. Instead, it depends on a leader’s ability to understand and manage their own emotions while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others.

The concept of emotional intelligence was first introduced academically by psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer in 1990. They described it as the ability to monitor one’s own emotions and the emotions of others, then use that information to guide thinking and behavior. Later, Daniel Goleman popularized the concept in 1995 through his book Emotional Intelligence. He later connected it directly to leadership and workplace success.

Goleman argued that qualities such as self-awareness, empathy, motivation, and relationship management often separate average leaders from exceptional ones. This theory gained traction because many traditional leadership models focused heavily on authority, intelligence, and decision-making while overlooking the emotional and relational side of leading people. The purpose of this theory is to explain why some leaders inspire trust, build strong teams, navigate conflict, and create healthy cultures, while others struggle despite having technical skill or positional power.

We can look at leadership through the lens of emotional intelligence, which focuses on five major areas:

Self-awareness – understanding your emotions and how they affect others

Self-regulation – controlling reactions and staying composed under pressure

Motivation – maintaining internal drive and optimism

Empathy – understanding the feelings and needs of others

Social skills – building relationships, resolving conflict, and influencing people positively

Someone I have personally worked with who exemplifies leadership through emotional intelligence is Lasinda Crane. She is one of the best examples I have seen of a leader who understands people, reads the energy in a room, and knows how to shift the atmosphere in a positive direction. She is not a people pleaser, but she understands that loyalty sits at the core of strong leadership. That loyalty applies not only to guests, but to her employees as well.

One thing that stands out about Lasinda is her ability to give grace to people going through difficult seasons while still holding standards. If an employee is willing to learn and put in effort, she believes in giving them a chance. She understands that not everyone succeeds in the same role, but that there is often a place for people if you can find the right fit. That reminds me of Jim Collins’ idea of getting the right people on the bus and in the right seats. It also reflects empathy and strong social skills because she knows how to understand people while placing them where they can grow. Lasinda also shows strong self-regulation during stressful service moments. There were times when reservations were running more than 45 minutes behind, which can quickly create frustration for guests and pressure on the team. Instead of reacting emotionally or creating panic, she always stays composed and finds ways to bridge the gap. Many guests who start off upset often leave on a much better note because of how she handles the situation.

Lasinda also displays self-awareness by understanding how her own energy affects the room. She knows that leadership presence matters, and if the leader loses control, the team often follows that energy. Because of that, she is intentional in how she carries herself. Her consistency also reflects motivation because she cares deeply about service standards, team morale, and creating positive outcomes even on difficult days.

What makes her effective in leadership is that she understands it is not just about authority or control. It is about reading people, staying steady under pressure, and helping others perform at their best. Watching leaders like Lasinda has helped me realize that emotional intelligence is not just a theory on paper, but something that can directly shape culture, service, and results in the real world.

In my opinion, this theory is one of the strongest because it connects to nearly every other leadership model. Whether someone practices servant leadership, transformational leadership, or contingency leadership, emotional intelligence often determines how well they are actually able to lead. A title may open the door, but EQ is often what decides what happens once you walk through it.

With a little EQ, you can have it all!

SGH